Oh God, it's got a blog.

I’ve been listening to my boyfriend play Ghibli music on the piano today.

It is so fabulous.

Then we played little tunes together.

So I went to Expo for the day. Aside from the journey and the heat bugging me for a good part of said journey (and feeling a bit sicky later in the evening), it was all pretty fancy.

I also went to my first photoshoot. It’s been my fifth expo and seventh time cosplaying at a con, and I guess it was just nerves which kept me from going. Usually at expo, I take photos of people and go look in the hall for things to buy so I can remember the time spent. But whenever I tried to talk to people, it was just…awkward. I find it hard to start conversations with random strangers at times, and I kinda thought people would want to talk, even if it was just about their cosplay. I don’t try and come off as really forward or pushy, and I don’t squeal and jump around or anything like that. We’re all people, and I guess I’d just like to talk to people and make another friend. I just like new people.

The photoshoot was the first time I’d come in contact actual fandom since I wrote fanfiction. It was nice meeting more fans, although I spoke to three Roses, a Kanaya who I got a hug and a few photos with, a Jade, Aranea, Princess Fef, a Doc Scratch, an Equius, a lovely Robo Aradia and Karkat and my friend’s friends, who were really nice to meet. So I was happy to speak to people, and they were all really friendly and mature. I wish I’d asked for more contacts, but I just worry people might be a bit so-so since we’d just met. Only being down for a day also kinda sucks, since you can’t hang out later on.

The rest of the fandom though made me feel a bit uneasy. I’m not good with too much noise and running around me because my eye is just like…WUT IS DIS? I know it’s linked to the shitty eyesight, so that can’t be helped. But I think what got me more was just how so many of the people just talked and were derping.

Whether or not it’s my age or just I’m self-conscious in public, I don’t know. I know I restrain myself a lot in public because I don’t want to be an ass. I mean, the most ‘fun’ thing I remember doing all day was running off with my friends bag and writing…something with her and her friend. But then around my friend I feel happy and comfortable. I couldn’t do that straight off, because I would certainly look like a fucking ass. It’s a bit like the random Gamzee who decided to honk near my bloody ear. I don’t know you, so you know…please don’t.

It’s probably that so many people know each other. But I just don’t know how to approach fans and stuff. I remember in the past when I’ve say, been cosplaying as a Pokemon trainer or a Bleach character and just approached some other cosplayers. They were fine for photos, but it was just…trying to talk to them about the series (since they’re likely a fan at the least), but then it feels like you’re being snubbed a little. This is probably me being super-paranoid, but it seems to me that it’s like…you’re not cosplaying from my fandom, so I’m not really going to bother with you. They could be busy, are a bit peeved by something unrelated, so I totally accept that as a reason why, and it’s probably that. 

I guess it just felt hard trying to talk to people in the fandom, as I want to meet new people and hopefully make some really great friends. At least I made a little start! It just seems hard when it feels like people are ignoring you a little when you just try to strike up conversation if they’re stood alone.

Or look like they’re being alienated from a group they’re pretty much stood in.

I’m just naturally curious of people, and talking is the first step to building anything. I know people can be reclusive and stuff like that, or have reasons for not wanting to talk, and that’s fine.

I guess I just feel like the type of person who approaches a group of people who are all laughing and having fun; I want to make them happy and laugh more, so I crack a joke, and the room just goes quiet. Then I’m apparently the weirdo.

It probably stems from having the shitty eye problem from when I was younger where I looked at everyone on a tilt (nystagmus) and they thought I was giving them a weird look when I was actually looking at something that wasn’t them. You then have to explain you’re half blind and all that but that’s another story. In a nutshell, I’m used to people avoiding me because of superficial bullshit and it’s made me a silly paranoid pooface.

Here’s hoping next May might be better, and I can try and get to know more people in the fandom. I’d really like to come back into a fandom, and I know Homestuck can get pretty mental because of characters like the Trolls and such. Heck, i want to cosplay Nepeta. But I just panic it’ll be as bad as anime fandoms were. I’m sick to death of petty fights over subs and dubs and how X character is a giant slag because they’re ‘so blates’ shagging someone’s waifu/husbando and said person wants to have so much rampant sex with this character it borders on unhealthy. I know the former is a HUGE extreme, but I’ve seen it enough in so many fandoms it makes me a weary one.

My feels for Pabu and Bolin and Korra and everyone.

OH MY FEELS.

THE FEELS.

PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU PABU 

thezombienerd:

themightyspade:

thezombienerd:

I’m at the last party before official graduation. I’ve only almost cried twice which is a record for goodbyes. I think if Amy were here as well as Aden I would have I love them both so much, I wouldn’t have made it this far without them.

We just had shots.

Are you wine, rum or something else?

wine and rum and sidekick and wankerd is what I am

I hope you had a fancy time tonight .w. sorry I didn’t go along…this type of stuff isn’t my thing tbh.

But I can see you next week, or soon, or whatever :3 x