I am putting this out there just as an informative thing, and because what Lexxy said gave me confidence that this is an all right thing to do. (If it’s not clear, I have a ton of respect for Lexxy, dang what a cool person.)
So I went to Expo for the day. Aside from the journey and the heat bugging me for a good part of said journey (and feeling a bit sicky later in the evening), it was all pretty fancy.
I also went to my first photoshoot. It’s been my fifth expo and seventh time cosplaying at a con, and I guess it was just nerves which kept me from going. Usually at expo, I take photos of people and go look in the hall for things to buy so I can remember the time spent. But whenever I tried to talk to people, it was just…awkward. I find it hard to start conversations with random strangers at times, and I kinda thought people would want to talk, even if it was just about their cosplay. I don’t try and come off as really forward or pushy, and I don’t squeal and jump around or anything like that. We’re all people, and I guess I’d just like to talk to people and make another friend. I just like new people.
The photoshoot was the first time I’d come in contact actual fandom since I wrote fanfiction. It was nice meeting more fans, although I spoke to three Roses, a Kanaya who I got a hug and a few photos with, a Jade, Aranea, Princess Fef, a Doc Scratch, an Equius, a lovely Robo Aradia and Karkat and my friend’s friends, who were really nice to meet. So I was happy to speak to people, and they were all really friendly and mature. I wish I’d asked for more contacts, but I just worry people might be a bit so-so since we’d just met. Only being down for a day also kinda sucks, since you can’t hang out later on.
The rest of the fandom though made me feel a bit uneasy. I’m not good with too much noise and running around me because my eye is just like…WUT IS DIS? I know it’s linked to the shitty eyesight, so that can’t be helped. But I think what got me more was just how so many of the people just talked and were derping.
Whether or not it’s my age or just I’m self-conscious in public, I don’t know. I know I restrain myself a lot in public because I don’t want to be an ass. I mean, the most ‘fun’ thing I remember doing all day was running off with my friends bag and writing…something with her and her friend. But then around my friend I feel happy and comfortable. I couldn’t do that straight off, because I would certainly look like a fucking ass. It’s a bit like the random Gamzee who decided to honk near my bloody ear. I don’t know you, so you know…please don’t.
It’s probably that so many people know each other. But I just don’t know how to approach fans and stuff. I remember in the past when I’ve say, been cosplaying as a Pokemon trainer or a Bleach character and just approached some other cosplayers. They were fine for photos, but it was just…trying to talk to them about the series (since they’re likely a fan at the least), but then it feels like you’re being snubbed a little. This is probably me being super-paranoid, but it seems to me that it’s like…you’re not cosplaying from my fandom, so I’m not really going to bother with you. They could be busy, are a bit peeved by something unrelated, so I totally accept that as a reason why, and it’s probably that.
I guess it just felt hard trying to talk to people in the fandom, as I want to meet new people and hopefully make some really great friends. At least I made a little start! It just seems hard when it feels like people are ignoring you a little when you just try to strike up conversation if they’re stood alone.
Or look like they’re being alienated from a group they’re pretty much stood in.
I’m just naturally curious of people, and talking is the first step to building anything. I know people can be reclusive and stuff like that, or have reasons for not wanting to talk, and that’s fine.
I guess I just feel like the type of person who approaches a group of people who are all laughing and having fun; I want to make them happy and laugh more, so I crack a joke, and the room just goes quiet. Then I’m apparently the weirdo.
It probably stems from having the shitty eye problem from when I was younger where I looked at everyone on a tilt (nystagmus) and they thought I was giving them a weird look when I was actually looking at something that wasn’t them. You then have to explain you’re half blind and all that but that’s another story. In a nutshell, I’m used to people avoiding me because of superficial bullshit and it’s made me a silly paranoid pooface.
Here’s hoping next May might be better, and I can try and get to know more people in the fandom. I’d really like to come back into a fandom, and I know Homestuck can get pretty mental because of characters like the Trolls and such. Heck, i want to cosplay Nepeta. But I just panic it’ll be as bad as anime fandoms were. I’m sick to death of petty fights over subs and dubs and how X character is a giant slag because they’re ‘so blates’ shagging someone’s waifu/husbando and said person wants to have so much rampant sex with this character it borders on unhealthy. I know the former is a HUGE extreme, but I’ve seen it enough in so many fandoms it makes me a weary one.
I’m at the last party before official graduation. I’ve only almost cried twice which is a record for goodbyes. I think if Amy were here as well as Aden I would have I love them both so much, I wouldn’t have made it this far without them.
We just had shots.
Are you wine, rum or something else?
wine and rum and sidekick and wankerd is what I am
I hope you had a fancy time tonight .w. sorry I didn’t go along…this type of stuff isn’t my thing tbh.
But I can see you next week, or soon, or whatever :3 x